Renowned Life Coach Anthony (Tony) Robbins once made this statement when discussing a recent economic crisis: “Don’t lose your mind over money.” Later when asked what he meant by his remark, Robbins explained that “each one of us is most definitely responsible for and in charge of his own economic challenges.” How we think about and handle our finances can definitely create stress in our mind and body. This can contribute or detract from our physical, mental, and emotional health and well-being.

Now is the opportune time to stop and reflect on what we truly do believe about the personal power we hold over our own lives, and how this can affect our health. We might ask ourselves, how do my beliefs about myself and my finances continue to shape my life?

When we feel victimized, unfairly treated, or controlled by forces outside ourselves, we feel powerless to control our financial life. Modern science teaches that an individual’s perception of the world can create their experience of it. When frightened, we respond from thoughts of fear, resulting in a life based on scarcity and lack. However, if we want our financial life to be quite different, we will need to work on changing our perceptions. This often requires making a major shift within ourselves.

If we trust that this is an abundant universe, and we as individuals deserve to be a part of that abundance, it is easier to hold a belief in our prosperity and to achieve it. Believing that prosperity is unattainable contributes to a feeling of financial powerlessness. Movie director Michael Todd once explained, “I have been wealthy and I have been broke in my lifetime. However, I am always prosperous, because prosperity is a state of mind. Eventually, I always climb up the ladder toward wealth again because of my attitude.”

Take a close look at your own belief system. If you believe that prosperity is possible, regardless of worldly economic conditions, prosperity can be within your reach. Remember that your power to create and attract wealth lies within you. By utilizing reason combined with intuition, we can move forward and begin to have a stable and more rewarding financial life.

Rules for a Healthy Financial Attitude

Napoleon Hill, “Think and Grow Rich”

• Visualize abundance for yourself and others
• Graciously accept prosperity in all its forms and make no excuses for its acceptance
• Always affirm abundance for yourself and others
• Mentally picture money coming to you without limiting its source
• Keep your thinking in the present. All of our power to create prosperity lies in the present.
• Be grateful for abundance in all areas of your life

Over the years, I have thought a lot about the healing process, as I have had various health challenges along the way.  Healing does not just pertain to the physical body, but can also be expanded to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health.  For example, often in living our lives, we need healing from our experiences, relationships, and from emotional and psychological crises.

From my own life challenges, I have learned many valuable lessons.  One of the most important insights for me has been this: Personal healing must take place on many levels to support physical, emotional, and psychological health.  In this article, I want to focus on some important emotional and mental attributes that can contribute to our personal healing process.  This is a huge topic, but I will attempt to touch on some parts of it.

In the past year, I have had time to consider my life. As fear loomed up before me relating to my health concerns, I discovered, surprisingly, strength and courage in me, that I never imagined existed.  I often remind my clients:  Life is always teaching us something of value.  I have come to truly appreciate the incredible power of external courage, self-esteem, and inner guidance available to each one of us for support.  These can work together to create miracles for surviving life’s biggest obstacles.

Dr. Caroline Myss states so well, “No one is born with good self-esteem or courage.  These are earned powers.  They come by learning little by little, that you can handle the greatest fears of the human experience and still survive.”

These words of wisdom by self-esteem guru, Dr. Caroline Myss, have helped sustain me through the healing process. They have offered strength and wisdom, along with other inspiring teachers who bring empowering messages.

In closing, I am sharing some of these wise teachings here, with you.  It is my hope that you will gain insight and wisdom from their guidance.  I hope, too, you will be encouraged to begin making the powerful changes needed to move you through your own difficulties.  May these collected truths connect you to your inner strength and your place of self-love and healing.

Messages for Inner Healing…

“Self-esteem is the ability to hold yourself in enough respect, that you are strong enough not to compromise who you are for the sake of survival, affection, or success.”
– Dr. Caroline Myss, Ph.D

“Forgiveness is done by me alone.  It comes when I say that I am finished with a situation. It can hold no power over me any longer. I get to decide this by myself and this has nothing to do with another’s actions.”
– Maya Angelou, Poet and Author

“When energy leaves your energy system in fear and doubt, it brings only pain and suffering.  When your energy goes forth in love and trust, it creates heath and gratitude.  Comparing the differences inside you requires emotional awareness.  Healing on every level can only begin when you decide to replace the pain, from fear and doubt, to the joy that comes from love and trust.”
– Gary Zukav, Author

“Stress and anxiety can not be touched or seen.  It is your thoughts that create these false beliefs.  Your thoughts create the feelings that follow them.  You can’t bottle stress or package it.  There are only people, who are engaged in stressful thinking.  Messages are sent into the body, and the body responds in kind. Change your thinking about the world, and you change your whole life.”
– Dr. Wayne Dyer, Ph.D

In order to take good care of ourselves and enjoy the holiday season, we may want to re-evaluate some faulty beliefs many of us share, which can cause seasonal stress. Most people believe that the holidays are a time for living unselfishly. We often believe that we must make this time special for everyone around us, honoring all of our family rituals, buying expensive gifts, overeating and over drinking at parties, or perhaps, travelling away from home on a vacation.  We may also feel that we do not measure up to seasonal expectations.  For example, we might not choose the correct gift, not be able to create an attractive and decorative home, or successfully entertain our guests. These beliefs can be supported by our culture and by the commercialization of Christmas.

Holding onto these ideas can cause this seasonal stress and even anxiety.  By the time January arrives, exhaustion has set in. We can change our attitudes and the way we live through the holidays by making better choices.

Honoring our own spirit and getting honest with ourselves is a necessary initial step. We can listen to our inner voice and feelings for clarity, direction, and insight. We might then ask ourselves, what brings me joy and energizes my heart during this beautiful season?

It is important to keep an eye on any excuses we may be giving ourselves, when we do not address our own needs.  Be honest and do what brings you joy. Re-examine your family traditions. Keep those you want to continue, and let go of those that no longer fit you.  Remind yourself that the real purpose of this season is to love and honor self and others more deeply and authentically.

Action Steps For Getting Through The Holidays

“There is no better way to contribute to the peace in the world than to bring forth the peace from within ourselves.”            
– Marianne Williamson

Give the gifts of JOY and PEACE to yourself and others! Give these to yourself and others. Be aware of what drains you and eliminate these activities.  You might take 10 minutes each evening, gather the family, and enjoy the beauty of the lighted tree before retiring. The season will be over so quickly, make time to breathe and slow down.

Decide to connect to the true nature of this holiday season. Gifts do not have to be elaborate to be meaningful. Nor do we have to spend endless hours shopping. Buy your gifts on line, give gift cards, or make your presents. E-mail your Christmas cards, save time and stamps. Get creative with your gift giving!  Perhaps, give a friend a gift certificate for a lunch out in January. You will have more time to spend with each other during that less hectic month. Offer to baby sit for a young couple, help clean out a friend’s garage, or cook someone a meal. These can be welcome gifts indeed.

Notice those individuals who may be overlooked at the holidays and acknowledge their services. Examples are mail carriers, garbage collectors, auto mechanics, and others. Show appreciation by giving them a small gift card or baking a homemade pie. Choose a child’s name from an ANGEL TREE and get the whole family involved in making one child’s Christmas very special. Spend your time and money on those in need.

May you all be blessed with a happy, healthy, and peaceful holiday season!

Recently, my ex-husband and dear friend was recovering from an intense medical procedure at my home.  During this same time, I was dealing with some challenging health issues of my own.  We needed both physical help and emotional support, as these conditions seemed like an unusual pile on.  We were so blessed to receive this support from others.

As we moved through this difficult time, I began to think about friendship and how important it is in our lives.  Friendship comes in many disguises.  There’s traditional friendship, friendship within an intimate relationship, family members who are also friends, employees or employers who take on that role as well, and acquaintances who move into that role temporarily when the need arises.  Friends can be any age, sex, or come from any background.  I began to investigate what spiritual teachers, ministers, and relationship therapists, more knowledgeable than me, had to say about this subject.  Below is some guidance that I found helpful on this topic.  I hope this will also enhance your friendships and make them more fulfilling.

1.  It’s helpful to come into a friendship with an attitude that says, “You can count on me, no matter what.” You want to be, in a friendship to another, what you want to have for yourself.  Remember, how you treat a friend reflects how you value a friend!

2.  Spending time with these important people is essential.  If we don’t make time for these relationships, they can’t be cultivated and made strong.  They will fall apart at the time we need them most.  Too often busy lives and commitments take precedent.  Women particularly face this challenge with one another.  Make a space in your schedule to spend time with your friend.

3.  Be available to listen to your friends and share yourself with them.  Many times, a good friend is also a strong phone buddy.  Often getting together physically can be challenging on a regular basis, especially if they live at a distance.  Texting and e-mailing can feel cold and remote.  These venues are great for brief connection, but do make a space for a deeper connection like a phone call.

4.  Be willing to laugh and cry with those closest to you.  Be willing to go through trials with them and be the support system that may be needed.  Feel free enough to share with friends what is going on within your life and to ask for what you need from a friend. Also, remember to ask them what they may need from you.

5.  Thank your friends for being there.  Don’t take anyone for granted.  Let them know you value their love and support, and willingness to come through as needed.  Be thoughtful and considerate.  Lift people up when they’re down and remind them that you see their highest potential and that you will be holding that vision for them.

6.  Try to remember that no one is perfect, not them, and not you.  So, we will do these relationships lovingly, but imperfectly.  We are creating ourselves on a higher level as we create our friendships on that same level.  Our friendships will reflect our judgments of ourselves and of others, as well as our ability to forgive ourselves and others.  As we do our own inner work and reach into our own shadow and begin to heal it, these relationships will become healthier, stronger, and more loving.

7.  Work to be open and transparent within your friendships.  Trust is an essential ingredient.  Without it a relationship cannot be successful.  Become a trusted friend and make that an important value in your relationship with others.  Hiding and secrecy create distrust.  People can feel this within us and they will begin to move away from us.

8.  Admit when you are wrong!  Live up to your promises.  Don’t continually defend yourself with others.  Explanations are often required when there’s a misunderstanding, and these can smooth out rocky roads that occur at times.  But, watch yourself becoming defensive.  Defensiveness is always a cover-up for fear.  It’s up to you to work on healing your own inner fears.  It can be helpful to ask a friend, “What can I do to help restore or rebuild this relationship?”  Watch your tendency to throw people away because of your own bruised ego.  No one is recommending you stay in a relationship that is unhealthy for you.  Some relationships are nothing more than energy drainers.  Be kind and loving to yourself as well.

It is my hope that these pointers will bring you richer and more successful relationships.  Relationships that bring you joy, love, and peace in your life.  I want to take this opportunity to thank all those loving friends in my life who have been there for me and continue to support me on my journey to become the best I can be.

Dear Clients and Friends,

We are all aware of the violence, hatred, wars, abuses, national and international political conflicts that seem to be occupying center stage in today’s news.  Most of us feel powerless to help, saddened by it all, and often weary from the telling.

However, we are not helpless.  We can make a huge difference on this planet by tending to our own relationships, just as we would lovingly tend to a garden.  We can keep our interactions with every person in our lives compassionate and peaceful, if we desire to do so.  Each one of us is part of the Human Family, regardless of any differences that might seem to separate us.  When we think about these differences, they really are minor and unimportant compared to the human qualities and the human experiences that we share.

When all of our relationships are peaceful, we are contributing both to the peace in the world and the peace within us.  We are doing something to help eliminate violence and illness in our own bodies and minds, as well as on our precious Planet.

Dr. Deepak Chopra reminds us, “The best way to eliminate an enemy is to increase their sense of happiness and well-being.”

A perceived enemy will feel less fearful and less defensive.  This is the beginning of trust.  Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy and peaceful relationship.

So, how does one begin to heal a conflict with another person?   Oprah Winfrey asked this challenging question to a television guest, the wise and respected Buddhist teacher and monk, Thich Nhat Hanh.

He explained, “Ask your enemy to tell you about his  suffering and pain. This is the way to begin. Then really listen to him!”

Each one of us can make the commitment to help heal our Earth home and ourselves in the process. As Gandhi  said so beautifully, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE THAT CHANGE!

May peace be with us all, everywhere…

February is often referred to as the month of love and romance.  On Valentine’s Day, February 14, couples prepare for special  celebrations that focus on their intimate relationships.  This can be an exciting and even renewing experience of togetherness.

The focus on couples, however, can easily ignore the fact that many in our culture are living single lifestyles.  Whatever their reasons, vast numbers of men and women will not be taking part in any Valentine’s Day activities with  a significant other.

I would like to suggest that these individuals can still  participate in a February celebration of love.  Not only can they participate, but I believe it is beneficial that they do so. For those living the single lifestyle can honor their most intimate relationship, the one they have with ourselves.  It is special and needs to be treated as such.

                      Let’s explore some ways this lifestyle may be honored:

1.  Live your life as it is today.  Whether you have a partner in the future, or not, you are completely responsible for your own happiness. Begin to create happiness in your life now.

2. Spend time upgrading your relationship with yourself.  Replace the critical mind talk with loving thoughts.  Cultivate forgiveness for yourself and others.  Both are beneficial to you.

3.  Work to enhance your interpersonal skills.  When a potential significant other does come along, you will need these skills.

4. Practice seeing and treating everyone around you, as if they were important to you.  Treat them with the respect you would show a beloved partner.  This can begin the healing of loneliness.

5. Commit yourself to excellent self-care.  Create the life you want and have the courage to live it as a single man or woman.  Don’t wait for someone else to show up to validate you.

6. Take time for yourself.  Become curious about who you are and learn more about you.  Pay close attention and honor your emotions, thoughts, and physical body.

7. Live in the present and make wise choices. This is the only time you can really count on.

Living single is a sacred and valid path.  Live it with dignity!

Each year, we celebrate our nation’s birth of freedom.  Therefore, it is an appropriate time to foster our personal freedom as well.  The following message can be a driving step forward in achieving this important goal.

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate.  It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.  I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.  In ALL situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized.  If we treat people as they are we make them worse.  If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

~ Goethe

“In life we do not attract what we want, but rather what we are!”
Dr. Wayne Dyer, Ph.D.

Many times life’s circumstances or interpersonal relationships can cause us to believe we are being victimized, or at least unfairly treated.  It is often difficult in the moment to realize that we, ourselves, are actually creating this point of view. But, this is a truth that can be understood better, once we examine the mental perceptions we are choosing.  These perceptions first begin from the way we decide to think about our  experiences. They can color our reality in many unhealthy and unhappy ways

Real power for change comes from inside us…

When we continue to interpret our life circumstances from a victim mentality, we are creating a drama, or a chaotic story, in out head.  A drama that is not unlike the tiresome soap operas played out on the TV. Indeed, as on the TV, a false egocentric myth is being created along with many false perceptions.  The result can be havoc in our relationships, our finances, our health, at work, and in other areas of life. No one but us has the power to change our mental perceptions.  This, however, is really great news!

Be aware of the drama you are creating…

Upon further examination, we can see how self-awareness opens up the possibility for  empowering us. The next step is to take an honest look at what unhealthy thoughts and feelings we are creating within our mind and body.  Once we courageously look at our “interpretation” of our life’s story, we can decide to choose a kinder, more loving and forgiving perception of the event or person.

Choose a new vision and become empowered…

As we contemplate our experiences with  new vision, our internal chaotic story begins to shift.  We can start to become more flexible and tolerant in our thinking about it.  Slowly our feelings become calmer as well. A new and healthier perception emerges.  One that carries less negativity and discourse.  No longer do we interpret our situation as one of victim. Our physical body and emotional body benefit from a more peaceful mental attitude. When we are more peaceful, we can access greater mental and creative energy.  We become empowered.

The life we live externally is a mirror image of our internal life.  Drama perceived in the world around  us, internalizes, and becomes chaos within us.

Helpful exercises for self awareness & perception changes:

1. How have I created the “identity” of victim, and how do I continue to perpetuate it?
2. What people or situations are holding me back or keeping me a victim?
3. How can I change my mind from seeing certain individuals or situations as blocks in my life?
4. What new and empowering actions can  I begin?
5. I will start taking these new and empowering actions for positive change, when?
6. I commit to refrain from talking about or complaining about the above circumstances   or people, as this behavior only reinforces my worn out identity as a victim.  This behavior is a trap for me.  Therefore, I agree to stop it immediately.

signed______________________date__________

Remember, you are creating tomorrow’s life experiences by the choices you make moment to moment.  Choose wisely!

As we move into February, our thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day and those precious love ones who are so important in our lives.  Relationships can bring us our greatest joy, but can also be the source of our greatest trials.  Much advice comes to us from many venues, telling how we should “handle” these often challenging partnerships.  We try to manage, manipulate and even  control ourselves and our partners in order to keep these connections safe, secure, and functioning. Unfortunately , manipulation and control never seem to produce the results we want to achieve.   In many  cases the exact opposite of what we want seems to occur for us and our significant other.

There are ways to create healthy, trusting, and loving intimate relationships. Ways that support us and our partners with “freedom and self-esteem,” regardless of the day to day relationship challenges that we may encounter.

One teacher that, I believe, brings a healthy, realistic approach to living and working in intimate relationships is Dr. David Richo,  therapist and Buddhist teacher. In this blog, I will share some advice from his unique and thought-provoking book:

HOW TO BE AN ADULT IN RELATIONSHIPS.

1. TRUST  in a lively energy between the two of you…

We must know and trust ourselves in any relationship we want to be healthy.  We want to be able to count on ourselves to come through for us on all levels of our life.  It is important to understand, that we can never fully trust another person, as no one is trustworthy all of the time. Continually forgiving, showing flexibility, and compassion for self and the other are vital required elements, if a relationship is to be successful for both parties.

2.  Knowing  how to GIVE and RECEIVE…

These qualities are necessary in all healthy relationships.  We affirm that in a healthy intimate relationship, giving and receiving of love in all its many facets come from desire, not from need.  Give the other person the gift of knowing you: who you are, what you want, and your true vulnerability.  Listening to your partner’s request is to pick up on the needs and feelings behind it.  You can be serious or playful without hurting  the other, being sarcastic, or ridiculing.  You can be intimate without always being sexual.  Finally, giving and receiving are done in equal freedom, without keeping score.  Decision-making is done equally and freely as well.The relationship is kept joyful, respectful, and loving. Even in conflict, neither partner shrinks the other’s boundaries of self-worth.

3.  Showing ANGER with loving intent…

Closeness brings with it aggression, affection, loving intent, and hate.  Our work is to accept human nature (ourselves), while choosing not to act this out if harmful.  Vigilance for our feelings, judgments, and biases, is important in monitoring our own behavior. The more conscious and aware we are of our hidden motives, the more successful we become at doing this well.

People who hate and retaliate have a tattered sense of self.  We can commit ourselves to someone, while maintaining personal boundaries.  We can be angry, yet still love and show respect, even in a conflict being worked on over time.  Contradictory feelings can be healthy.  A person without boundaries tries, who always needs to maintain a status quo, often does not see the benefits and possibilities in healthy changes.  With good boundaries, if we see our relationship experiencing difficulties, we can try to enlist our partner to work on it without us managing, threatening, or manipulating.  If he or she   agrees, we engage.  If he or she declines and “no” is unalterable, we move on.  Hanging on to an issue or even the relationship itself causes prolonged suffering for both parties. Both partners get to decide freely what is tolerable or acceptable for them to stay engaged.

4.  Making a free COMMITMENT to the relationship…

The bond in the romantic stage is tenuous.  The bond after conflicts and resolutions is stronger and more stable.  Our relationship is no longer dependent on whether we still get along all the time.  The day to day commitment is to: address, process, and resolve issues and keep the agreements that arise from this.  We stay in a relationship as long as we and our partner are engaged in the relationship effectively, or are working on it to make it effective.

A healthy person does not make an unreserved commitments.  A healthy person would wish to hold the right to determine the length and extent of the commitments.  Otherwise commitment would mean submission, no sense of boundaries, no sense of self-worth or of self.

If both parties are not comfortable with change, the relationship can become stifling.
The purpose of an intimate relationship is human happiness, not the conservation of an institution such as marriage.  Commitments are reasonable, while vows can be dangerous and may cause  a great deal of pain and suffering. They are certainly not based on the reality of how relationships operate, nor can they bring to intimate relationships the freedom of spirit and flexibility needed over time to create real and continuing joy and love, for life always brings with it movement and change.

January is traditionally a time to set new goals, make new commitments and promises we hope to sustain throughout the new year. This January, consider taking a pause and reflecting with your thoughts and heart about how you wisely want to move forward with your life.  Make certain goals are practical, realistic, and loving for you.  None of us need to create more failures for ourselves.  Bring Mindfulness to the process of change. This includes checking in with the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of ourselves.  Staying aligned with our intuition can help insure success.

REMEMBER…
to be kind to self and others, choose peace whenever possible, and honor this amazing planet we call home!!!

because in the FINAL ANALISIS

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered:
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, interior motives:
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies:
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

—  Mother Teresa of Calcutta

HAPPY NEW YEAR – Marcia Grimsley

The season of peace is here once again, and Christmas is fast approaching, Let us slow down, take a breath, and call to memory the truth of who we really are.

In the words of the great Mythic Teacher and Author, Joseph Campbell,
“The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are!”

Life Coaching asks that we love the truth of ourselves, while working to bring forth the light that illuminates and heals the dark places hidden within. This asks courage, patience, and perseverance of us. Yet, success is always with our choices and always within our reach. We can have pace and have it abundantly. But, we must be willing to do the inner work required to get there. Our life is our school. Our current challenges are the books we are presently reading from our live’s great library.

 “Come to the edge.
We can’t. We’re afraid.
Come to the edge.
We can’t.We will fall.
Come to the edge.
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew !!!”

– Guillaume Apollinaire, Philosopher

This holiday season, take time for the inner journey, commit to making your inner work your priority, go fearlessly to the edge of your own false security and beliefs, and fly courageously into your best life ever…

Remember that YOU can bring your light into this world
and really make a difference right where you are!!!!

Have a Merry Christmas ~ Marcia Grimsley

“Every negative feeling we hold stems from the lack of self- love.”
Paul Ferrini, THE 12 STEPS OF FORGIVENESS

Self-love is a vital part of good self-esteem. When we talk about loving ourselves and honoring our feelings, we are not implying this should take place at the expense of others, or in an egotistical manner. Rather, we want to respect ourselves, because all human beings are valuable and precious, including us. Only we know what decisions and actions feel correct for us. Only we know how best to take care of our physical and emotional well-being.

What then keeps us from listening to our wise inner guidance and following its direction?

When we feel negative about our life situation, we can become alert to the perceptions we are creating inside our mind. This negative view of our circumstances will cause the emotions we are experiencing. Feelings of lack of love are usually always the basis for our unhappy perceptions.

Paul Ferrini offers some advice that can be very helpful in shifting us out of negative emotions:

• Recognize the feeling.
• Do not justify or condemn the feeling.
• Allow the feeling to speak to you.
• Honor the felling. It has an internal communication for you.
• Take complete responsibility for your feeling.
• Refuse the inclination to make anyone else responsible for it.
• As you feel the feeling, you can see how you may not be very loving to yourself or another in that moment.
• Stay with the feeling, allowing the message to sink in until the feeling begins to shift.

Ultimately, the missing love must be supplied from within us. That is why it is never helpful to blame others or conditions outside of ourselves.

If we can remember to choose love for others, and ourselves, we are making the healthiest choice for all!

“The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven. It is twice blessed: It blesses him that gives and him that takes…”
– William Shakespeare

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a different past.”

This year is the perfect time for making the personal changes that can move us into a healthier lifestyle. The forgiveness process, not only heals our interpersonal relationships and our hurtful experiences, but can heal us internally as well. I would like to offer you some thoughts on forgiveness, both from my own experiences and from some well-known teachers and writings on the subject.

Forgiveness is a two-sided slate: forgiving another and forgiving ourselves. Often people try to back into forgiving, in order for it to feel better. We attempt to forgive others, before we first forgive ourselves. Some people refuse to believe they feel any guilt. They may refuse to look at these feelings, possibly buried deep inside of them. One example might be; blaming a teacher or school for a child’s problems, rather then being willing to look at our own parenting.

Many individuals feel guilty much the time. They can feel better, temporarily, by assuming the victim role. For example, people are always cutting me off on the road, or cheating me when I make a purchase. Neither of these positions is healthy for us.

Some people believe that in forgiving, they are condoning situations or actions. Still others believe that by forgiving, they are making the statement that “nothing important happened.” There is an untrue notion that forgiving another means, we have to stay in relationship with them. N one of these positions is necessarily correct.

Forgiveness is a healing of the heart and mind. We can ask a hundred people, our we are on the right side in a quarrel? We can ask a hundred people to forgive us, when we make a terrible mistake. Neither matters very much, because our healing work is always on the inside of us, inside our own head and heart. We are the ones who feel upset. We are the ones who feel attacked, then respond in kind. We are the ones who feel guilty after we have attacked, then justify our action. We are the ones in pain, and we decide to continue carrying that pain forward.

So, we are really attacking ourselves…. because; we are the ones inviting these toxic thoughts and feelings inside to invade our bodies. These toxins can, and often do, result in many illnesses.

 Forgiveness: What it is!

• Forgiveness comes from within us. It is something you must do by yourself and for yourself.
• Forgiveness is not partial or conditional. Bargaining for it does not work. It must be a wholehearted act to bring release from pain. All attack must cease!
• Forgiveness takes us out of the past and into the present. You, alone, are the one to release all past judgments. What another does has no baring on your decision to forgive.
• Forgiveness allows for the possibility of intimacy in our relationships. Eventually our relationships break down without the continued ability to forgive.

Most grievances come from a fear space inside us. We can look at, and work on, healing the fear that caused us to react defensively or feel guilty in the first place.

Marianne Williamson, author and Interfaith Minister, said that most people are doing the best they can. They would do better, if they knew how to, and still get their needs met, but they don’t know how.

When we forgive another, we free both of us. Is it not time to make the choice for freedom?

In The News

Excerpt from: Banish winter blahs with our winning tips

BY KIM BAER
Freelance Star
Date published: 1/30/2009 Read The Whole Article – Freelance Star

Return to main In The News Page

SET ACHIEVABLE GOALS

Marcia Grimsley, a life coach based in the Fredericksburg area, has worked with clients locally and across the country who have found her at marciaslifecoaching .com.

Clients often seek her help because they’ve had trouble meeting a goal.

Over the years, she has found that people unwittingly set themselves up for failure with goals that are impossible to meet.

To set goals that stick, she said, start by writing them down.

Consider these questions for each one:

Is this really my goal? Make sure the goal is something you want to do, she said, not just something you think you should do.

Am I ready to do this? If your goal is to lose weight, for instance, are you ready to commit to going to the gym on a regular basis?

Can I see myself completing this?

How do I feel about this? “Success is bound up in how much passion and heart you have in it,” Grimsley said. “How much you really want it.”

What has been holding me back from achieving this goal?

What support will I need?

Finally, she said, “Have the courage to go for it.”

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The months of January and February signal the start of the “real winter.”  Let’s face it.  Winter is not an easy time of the year to love. We often feel a mood change from the excitement of the holidays.  So, how can we make peace with the winter season and make good use of cold days?

Over time, I have collected some winning winter tips that you may find helpful.

Relax and care for yourself during these colder months…

Allow winter to be just what it is, a quieter, less active time.  Make it a season for staying indoors and enjoying the coziness of hearth and home.  Take the opportunity to view nature’s wonderland through a windowpane.  You might light those holiday gift candles and listen to your collection of music.  Remember that pile of books waiting to be read?  Dive in and let them take you into worlds of wisdom and suspense.

Let us now turn our attention to self-care. The winter months provide a wonderful opportunity to begin making “you” a priority. When we turn our focus on ourselves, many of us start looking at our health and wind up distressed about our weight.  Why not decide this can be the season for nurturing yourself into your ideal weight. Healthy, nurturing food and indoor exercise are a winning combination.

Stay indoors and benefit from the “Art of Meditation”…

Have you ever wanted to learn to meditate?  Start this winter! The benefits of meditation are numerous, for both your physical and emotional body. There are so many opportunities to study this quieting and reflective practice in your home. Online classes, meditation books, and CDs are all available.

This Winter, cultivate relationships and organize, organize…

Working in your home to “organize and clear out” makes sense during the winter.  Maybe you have been thinking about organizing your home “some day.” Why not start today!  Another way to celebrate the New Year is by inviting friends in for a meal or a cozy get together.  After the holidays, most people have freer schedules.  Contact friends you have neglected and spend more quality family time.  Also, be willing to re – think and let go of those individuals who no longer fit into your life.  Many times relationships grow apart, and it is often time to let go with kindness.  Take up your old hobbies again, or begin something new.  Have the courage to expand your talents and creativity.

Set successful goals for the year ahead…

Finally, we turn to goal setting.  Many people met the New Year with a list of goals, and then discover that good intentions decrease as the year progresses. Therefore, here are some helpful questions you might want to consider as you choose your goals:

• Is this really “my” goal?  Do make sure the goal is something you really want, rather then something you think you should do.
• Am I ready to do this thing? Are you truly ready to commit to what will be required on a regular basis?
• Can I see myself completing this goal?  Success is determined by the amount of passion and heart you have put into your goal. Remember to get your feelings on board with your thinking.
• What has been holding me back from achieving this goal?  Meet the saboteur within you and outside you. Do not underestimate its strength.
• What support will I need?  Be willing to ask for help.  Family, friends, co-workers, and professionals are available to assist you in your success.  Reach out for the support you need.

Have the courage to create the life you want.  Enjoy the winter months, rather then spending this time wishing for spring…